The Name Game
The Name Game is the pilot episode of the spin-off, Sworn to Secrecy, and the first episode of season one. In this episode, the ERGBB are informed by a commercial that the government needs people to legally change their names to specific code names. The ERGBB do not find this to be very suitable for society, so the team investigates this sudden change in policy. Yet, the epidemic they find themselves in is more than what they bargained for. Characters *Agent SpongeBob SquarePants (debut) *Agent Squidward Tentacles (debut) *Agent Sandy Cheeks (debut) *Agent Patrick Star (debut) *Oscar Stonefish (debut) *Brandon Bass (debut) *Miscellaneous Fish **Commercial Announcers **Announcer Transcript *''begins with a long shot of Bikini Bottom; camera pans in to reveal numerous fish conversing while walking down the sidewalk; camera pans to reveal a fish to chew into a sandwich; camera pans to reveal a traffic jam with numerous boats honking their horns; camera lastly pans to reveal the ERGBB agency; scene cuts to Squidward, inside of his dorm room in the agency, watching television'' *'Squidward:' eyes; yawns I'm getting tired. stretches Better stay awake. Wouldn't want to fall asleep on the job. smirks Oh, wait. Yes. stretches; lies down on couch Yes, I do. snoring; exhales This was a good plan. exhales This was a good plan. *'Oscar:' seen on the ground in camouflage; rises; whispers Why do they always sleep on the first day of the week? yells Agent Tentacles! *'Squidward:' exhales I think I hear my annoying boss now. *'Oscar:' in surprise Annoy...?! Why that...to clarinet on desk Let's see if I'm annoying when I play a squeaky note. Wait, did I just answer my own question? fins; plays squeaked note, waking Squidward *'Squidward:' abruptly; falls to ground; quickly speaking Huh? What? I hear no talent? Who's insulting my clarinet with their fowl notes? speaking; looks at floating clarinet Oh no. My nightmare has come true. My clarinet has decided to taunt me with my own playing. fists Why can't I just assault everyone else's eardrums? *'Oscar:' out of camoflauge Agent Tentacles. Show some respect for the job. When was the last time you hadn't slept on a Monday? *'Squidward:' The real question should be when have I not slept on the job. back on couch *'Oscar:' And when was the last time when you have not slept on the job? *'Squidward:' Good question, Oscar. hands behind head Good question. *'Oscar:' around sofa You know, Squidward. You remind of a young recruit I used to have a few years ago. He was so uptight, he even refused to be refuseful. smiles That was his best trait. He got quite a bit of work done with that trait. *'Squidward:' yawns If there's a moral to this story, can we skip to it? at watch I only have fifteen minutes left on my break. *'Oscar:' Correction, Agent Squidward. Your break was up fifteen minutes ago. *'Squidward:' One second. watch Actually...my break just started. laughs; leans back in couch *'Oscar:' self Why would I give the laziest agent at this company a watch that switch back all of the clocks in the agency? *'Squidward:' I heard that. to ears, revealing wireless earbuds These sound-enhancing earbuds you gave me really work. *'Oscar:' I really have to watch what I give to people. with remote in hand Why don't you make yourself useful and monitor the security footage? remote at Squidward; begins exiting room; turns around Oh, and how much do you want me to dock your pay? *'Squidward:' Hmm...chin surprise me. turns to television and monitors footage; yawns Well, this is boring. Nothing ever happens here. What's there to monitor? remote in anger; causes television to turn to regular TV Whoa. What just happened? at remote Wow. This button changes the television from closed-circuit boringness to SquidTV on demand. excitedly; changes back to security footage and then back to regular television Ooh. My day shows. back *'Television:' We'll be right back after these extremely lengthy messages that you care nothing about. *'Squidward:' grunts Oh, why?! *'Commercial:' I'm sure that several fish in the sea have a variety of names. But...what exactly is a name? *'Squidward:' It's a word your boss calls you that should not be mentioned. *'Commercial:' Wrong, mysterious squid. *'Squidward:' Wait, what? *'Commercial:' To us, it is an acronym. To us, name is Not A Meaningful Ethic. *'Squidward:' Ethics? What do quotes "they" know about ethics? *'Commercial:' I'm glad you asked, mysterious squid. *'Squidward:' How does it know...? *'Commercial:' Name smame. Or should it be name...shame?! Names are titles given to classify people as being different! As the government now finds it, names should be given to classify people as a whole, not apart. *'Squidward:' in Interesting. *''cuts to SpongeBob, in his office space, continuously rolling back and forth in his roller chair to answer ringing phones'' *'SpongeBob:' up phone You have called the ERGBB company, please hold. up another Please hold. up another You have the wrong number, Frank. up another Please hold. all phones How am I supposed to do this? *'Oscar:' by office What are you doing, SpongeBob? I installed an automated message answering system. No need to answer the phones anymore. away *'SpongeBob:' still in shock Oh come on! to untangle phones Someday, technology will replace us all. rolls back to computer Well, this gives me some spare time. back in seat Why do I suddenly feel like Squidward? shoulders Who cares. I like it. forward Well, what's this? up picture It's a picture of...reveals picture of SpongeBob, holding a toddler in his arms Daniel. I thought this was at home. sighs I do miss him. This must've been taken years ago. *'Squidward:' behind SpongeBob Years ago, huh? Well start living in the present, SpongeBob! We've got a lot of work to do. And when I say we, I mean...everyone else but me. *'SpongeBob:' Such as what kind of work? *'Squidward:' clear tablet on the table Try this. *'SpongeBob:' wireless earbuds into ears and watches tablet What? The government is doing what?! *'Squidward:' Hush and you'll find out! *'SpongeBob:' No. I mean I can't hear anything! The earbuds are off. *'Squidward:' earbuds, turning them on This is the most work I've done all day. *'Tablet:' through earbuds ...as a whole, not apart. The government has decided to give special names to different codes of fish. The different names include: Coverton, Atkinson, Theodore, Meadow, or Harrison. That's all for now. cuts off *'SpongeBob:' out earbuds Why in the sea up walks out into hallway; Squidward follows would the government want to give fish code names? It's Un-Pacific-an. up two cups, one for himself, one for Squidward *'Squidward:' cup; begins filling cup No idea. Who knows why? water We're talking about the gonvernment here. *'SpongeBob:' on water cooler You know we're part of the government, right? *'Squidward:' cup Figures. at cup When are we going to get some ice around here? *'SpongeBob:' You want ice, go to Sandy's room. It's freezing in there. cup Fur really insulates you, I guess. *'Squidward:' Yeah. paper on top of water container What are these? through papers Someone left some papers here. at one sheet Ooh. I think we just found our loophole, SpongeBob. And by we, I actually mean me. Talk about irony. *'SpongeBob:' down cup Let me take a look at that. sheet; reads aloud "Remember to attend the Government Affiliation Meeting tonight at 6:30. Don't be late, for this is mandatory". up sheet How is this our loophole? *'Squidward:' And here, I thought paper I was the one that didn't keep up with things. away *''cuts to a large meeting building; camera pans to reveal different fish conversing while walking to the building; camera pans to show different conversations in the building; camera pans to SpongeBob, Sandy, Squidward, and Patrick, walking to their seats'' *'Sandy:' to a designated seat Here we are, guys. Our seats. cuts right in front her, sitting in her seat Hey! Jerk! You just stole my seat! *'Male Fish 1:' laughs Ha! Yeah. sarcastically I committed a crime. What are you going to do? Arrest me? scoffs You're not a cop. *'Sandy:' Right, into vest because I just keep badge this government-mandated badge in my jacket for nothing. fish runs away Uh huh. Yep. Better get to running. down *'SpongeBob:' down I think you might get arrested for flashing, Ms. Cheeks. *'Sandy:' Ha ha. He he he. Shh! The program's starting! *''begin to scan the stage; fanfare music begins to sound throughout the stadium'' *'Announcer:' You may not care for this introduction, but...well, put your fins together for...roll the governer of this state, Governor Brandon Bass! *'Brandon Bass:' out onto stage Thank you! Thank you! microphone It's great to see all of you out here tonight. Especially on a Monday. *'SpongeBob:' self Come on. Get on with this! *'Brandon:' But seriously. around stage We're here for business. And, as you all know from our commercial, pretty...uh...into ear serious business. We all know that, well, it's not everyday that the government asks the people to do something that they don't want to do. *''begins in crowd'' *'Brandon:' Settle down, people. Settle down! Settle down! calms down to a whisper I know that...our patience can wear thin sometimes, but we are doing this for good reason! *'Male Fish 1:' up And what good would that do us?! Huh, governer? approaches with gun; male fish takes out a revolver You try it, buddy! You try it right now! *'SpongeBob:' Male Fish 1's arms and holds them behind male fish's back You know. I think this guy is on to something, Mr. Bass. What exactly are these names doing for the people of our city? *'Brandon:' head with hankercheif I'm glad you asked, Mister...uh...sir. to screen As we said in the commercial, names are what separates this great city. And this got the government thinking. If names are powerful enough to divide us, then aren't they powerful enough to also bring us together? *'Sandy:' With all do respect, Mister Governor, I would like to know what conflicts have arose in this city to bring upon such an act. *'Brandon:' chuckles Well, Ms. Cheeks, you work for the government yourself. I know that you have had your fair share of criminals and conflicts between the common people, but... *'Female Fish 1:' Common people?! up What exactly does that mean? *'Brandon:' Well, when I use that term, I am addressing all of Bikini Bottom as one, which is our dream, if I can get back on topic. *'Female Fish 1:' So are you saying that all of Bikini Bottom's citizens are quotes "common people". *'Brandon:' That's not what I'm saying at all, ma'am. I am simply saying that if Bikini Bottom can unite as a whole, then we can both remove conflicts and reduce crimes in Bikini Bottom by a great percent margin. *'Male Fish 2:' up That all sounds nice, Mr. Bass, but how are giving names to certain people going to reduce conflicts? *'Brandon:' That is something we're going to have to find out, citizen. *'SpongeBob:' to team Find out? That's it we're out of here. coat I'm not staying for this. stands up and departs *'Male Fish 3:' in front of SpongeBob Hey, whoa, where do you think you're going? *'SpongeBob:' Back to the agency if you don't mind. walking past Male Fish 3, yet quickly halted again *'Male Fish 3:' Actually, I do mind. to SpongeBob Look, as an associate for Mr. Bass, I need you to...you know...participate in the cirricu... *'SpongeBob:' whispers Oh, save it! What is this? A middle school? Look, you know as well as I do that this stuff is a load of barnacle shavings. Who wants to stay for this kind of stuff? *'Male Fish 3:' Trust me. I don't. But if I don't, I won't get paid the big bucks. *'SpongeBob:' down That, sir, is not my problem. No one said you had to leave. But if you kindly let us leave, out bill and throws it at associate go crazy. walk past associate, who grabs the money as it drops to the ground *''cuts to the agency; camera slowly pans around a large white room with a humongous white table; all of the agents: SpongeBob, Sandy, Patrick, and Squidward are sitting, negotiating'' *'Sandy:' Who would want to change their name to some code name? *'Squidward:' Exactly! It's more of an...espionage thing. Not an everyday thing. *'Patrick:' And what I want to know is why all of a sudden? ''It makes absolutely no sense. *'SpongeBob:' The government doesn't make sense. ''in We should all get used to that fact. The government requires a little push in order to get stuff done. Done right, that is. Until we can get that push activated, we need to quotes "nudge" them until we get to that point. *'Sandy:' And what exactly is that "nudge"? *'SpongeBob:' to egg container; takes out egg Take this egg for example. Now think of this egg as the government system. egg on table It has a strong outer surface, kind of like your defenses like firewalls and guards. Yet, when you reach the inside, it's all soft and all liquid. I like to think of that as the "information source". *'Squidward:' What point are you trying to get to, SpongeBob? *'SpongeBob:' up egg Now, we all know the nature of an egg. egg onto table, breaking it It hits a hard surface, it breaks. another egg We also know that eggs are fragile. Right? *'Patrick:' Right...? *'SpongeBob:' So...if we can't throw the egg, then we have to intimidate the egg. pushing egg toward edge of table with finger If we continue to nudge the egg, little by little, pushing and pushing with little force, eventually we'll reach...egg at edge the tipping point. egg off of table; egg falls onto ground, breaking Therefore, we get the same results. *'Squidward:' on desk If this speech is going anywhere, can we please get to it. I've only got half an hour of sleep left. *'SpongeBob:' My point is that we don't give into the government. We let the government give into us! *''entire team looks at each other, exchanging faces that seem to agree with SpongeBob, yet with some confusion'' *'Sandy:' Okay. I see where this is going. Yet, how are we going to get the government to give into us? *'SpongeBob:' down The only answer to that question, Ms. Cheeks is, exhales I have no clue. How exactly do you stop someone that plays the same game as you do? *'Patrick:' Duh. scoffs You do it better. *''cuts to the ERGBB, walking inside Bikini Bottom's Government Facility; the team is walking down the red carpet toward the governer's room'' *'Patrick:' through door He's inside, but he's not doing anything. *'SpongeBob:' door knob Perfect. Then he might have some time on his hands. door, causing Patrick to slip in Hello there, Mr. Bass. *'Brandon:' Well, well, this is unexpected. *'SpongeBob:' down on seat Unexpected? Well, we are a part of the government. We're all friends here. I think we're even close enough to call you Brandon. *'Brandon:' Call me whatever you may. at watch Just don't call me late for my meeting, which I really should be getting to in a few minutes. *'Sandy:' Don't worry. We only have a couple of questions about last night. *'Brandon:' around suspiciously Such as? *'Patrick:' The whole name thing just isn't sitting well with us. Why change the names? Why not put all of this time and effort into stopping the crimes at the source. *'Brandon:' sighs Look, Mr. Star. We're trying to take the best approach here. We feel as though names are the best path of reasoning here. at watch Sorry that I have to be a one-question guy, but I really have to get going. out door Nice seeing you again, though. *'Squidward:' growls What do we do now? *'Sandy:' Let's just go back to the agency. There's nothing left here now. *'SpongeBob:' around office ''Oh, but there is. ''at picture with Brandon and other democrats, senators, and governeos In this building alone, we have governors, senators, democrats, and even inside people. And tonight, they're all going to be crammed into one, measly room, all of them containing different modes of information that we can piece together. before team We can go back to the agency when we're good and ready. Right now, we have a meeting to attend. *''cuts to the government meeting hall; the governors and other government officials are shaking hands and sitting; each member of the team is located behind one of the government officials, peeking up from under the floor boards'' *'Sandy:' up; sinks below ground; using walkie-talkie Are you sure they can't hear us from under here? *'Patrick:' walkie-talkie Positive. We can hear them, but they can't hear us. *'SpongeBob:' walkie-talkie Shh! We're here to listen to our affiliates, you guys. *'Government Official 1:' offscreen I think we all know that the people have decided to give us their...chuckles critical...reception. Negative reception that is, on our whole name game. *'Brandon:' cuts to reveal him sitting in the middle of the left table Ohhh yeah. But who cares about what the people think about this? We're doing this for their own good. *'Government Official 2:' You sound like you have quite some experience with this kind of thing, Mr. Brandon. *'Brandon:' Believe me. The ERGBB won't leave me alone with this kind of thing. They're always full of questions. All of the time. They're driving my mind crazy, and that's our job. *'Government Official 1:' Agreed. So, what you're saying is that we should legally change their names ourselves? *'Brandon:' shoulders I don't see any other way. *'Government Official 1:' Me neither. up You're right. We are going to change the ERGBB's names legally. *'SpongeBob:' out of floorboard Nooo! of team burst out of their floorboards as well *'Brandon:' up Security! pins Brandon to desk, placing Brandon's arm behind his back *'SpongeBob:' Remember this trick I did last night, Brandon? Want to see if I can go further? Try calling security again. *'Brandon:' grunting This...is...an outrage! Somebody else call security! *'Government Official 1:' running to call button Yes, Mr. Brandon. by Patrick; Patrick catches Government Official 1 and pins him to desk *'Security Guard 1:' into door; holding gun Freeze! *'SpongeBob:' Oh, just great! go of Brandon; leaps out of window; presses button on vest; suit inflates, allowing SpongeBob to glide to the next building Whoo. That was easy. police guns in the distance Oh, just great. begin to be fired at SpongeBob; SpongeBob begins rolling behind the guard-rail of the top of building Thank goodness I'm a spy. behind fire escape wall *''cuts back to the government meeting hall, where Sandy is fighting off security guards'' *'Sandy:' security guard in stomach area Take that! behind another; kicks security guard into another security guard We've got to ditch these guards, guys. out of way of charging guard; rolls and stands up behind Patrick *'Patrick:' Agreed. Sandy and Squidward and leaps out window Prepare for freefall. *'Sandy:' down and screams Patrick! What did you just do?! *'Patrick:' Trust me! I know what I'm doing. Squidward's tentacles; throws tentacles around pole, swinging the group away from building Now prepare for landing. covers Squidward and Sandy; Patrick's back slams into a bank's doors; places Sandy and Squidward onto ground He he. That was fun. up piece of glass And glassy. *'Security Guard 2:' out with gun with other guards Freeze! *'Squidward:' head on ground Oh, just great! *'SpongeBob:' in through air conditioner; rolls on ground; throws bucket of water below guards Hmm. I thought it would be more slippery than that. out of way of approaching bullets; hops behind counter; rips out electric wire; throws it into water, shocking the guards Hasty retreat, you guys! runs out of bank *''then proceeds to hide under a manhole, allowing several guards to run past them'' *'Squidward:' in relief I think that's the closest we've ever been to being arrested. and exhales *'SpongeBob:' But we weren't, and we need to use that opportunity to try and continue to nudge the government. *'Sandy:' How do we nudge them even more than we already have? They've hit the ground and they haven't spilled their information yet. *'SpongeBob:' Ah. But they did. Remember in the meeting where Brandon said that it was their job to drive people's minds crazy? *'Sandy:' Yeah. *'SpongeBob:' And these code names they keep giving fish. Crazy...but I think those two things go hand in hand. *'Squidward:' So, what you're saying is...those names can control people's minds? *'SpongeBob:' I think so, but we better get back to the agency so we can be sure. rings It's Oscar. phone *'Oscar:' other line SpongeBob! You guys are in a heap of trouble! cuts to reveal Oscar, watching the television news The town is in a frenzy! With that little stunt you guys pulled, the government's reeling in even more people to sign up to change their names! You've created an even larger problem...within a problem! *'SpongeBob:' cuts back to SpongeBob Don't worry, Oscar. We have another plan to fix this whole entire thing. *'Oscar:' other end You better! tone *'SpongeBob:' up Oscar isn't too happy with us, guys. We better fix this whole thing...and fast. *''cuts to Patrick and SpongeBob inside the evidence room'' *'Patrick:' on chair This just isn't computing. at list of the legal names on paper Why Coverton? Why Atkinson? It just doesn't make any sense. *'SpongeBob:' Once again, this is the government we're talking about. paper We have to read between the lines with them. *'Patrick:' paper back You're not going to find anything with them, SpongeBob. There's nothing we can do anymore. *'SpongeBob:' You're being crazy, Patrick. for paper Just give me the paper! *'Patrick:' SpongeBob down No! paper up and throws it on ground I'm done with this whole government shebang. out of room *'SpongeBob:' stands up Quitter. picking up paper This place is full of them. paper on counter There has to be something here. in closer The last two names sound weird when you take some letters out. chuckles Theodore, Meadow, and Harrison. The Me Ha. becomes seriously Wait a minute. The...me...ha...? The meeting hall! No wonder it sounds so familar! The government wants the fish to converge at the meeting hall! *'Male Fish 4:' in The government wants what?! *'SpongeBob:' Oh, hey, Langston. According to these names, the government wants the fish to converge at the meeting hall, but for what? *'Langston: '''Maybe you could find out for yourself. ''bag over SpongeBob's head as he turns around; screen cuts to black *''cuts to a dark room; SpongeBob opens his eyes and looks around'' *'SpongeBob:' Who? What? Where? I blame Squidward! around Man, it's dark in here. *'Patrick:' is heard Speak for yourself. *'SpongeBob:' Patrick? Is that you? *'Patrick:' Yep. to light I think that room over there has some light. *'SpongeBob:' through window to other room You're right, Patrick. It's...around at thousands of fish crowded into a stadium, signing ballots and sitting a ballot arena. This is where the people are changing their names. *'Patrick:' How do you know? *'SpongeBob:' The names! The last three names said something about coming to the meeting hall. *'Patrick:' Well, if that's the case, I think that we're next. I think the government is going to change our names legally as the main event. *'SpongeBob:' Maybe. But what about all of the people? It all pieces together! *'Patrick:' What does? *'SpongeBob:' The minds. The people. The names! hands up It all makes sense. The government is going to control the minds of the people! tips over; SpongeBob and Patrick are slid down onto the stage, where they also find Sandy and Squidward *'Squidward:' What are we doing here, you guys? *'SpongeBob:' We're the main event! They're going to control the minds of all of the fish, including us when they change our names legally! *'Sandy:' I think we can worry about us later! All of the fish here have already changed their names! Who knows what their going to control them for? *'Brandon:' onto stage Hello there, ERGBB. Prepare to meet your makers. button, causing all of the fish to become electrocuted; Brandon speaks into microphone Fish! Attack! *'SpongeBob:' stand up Stand your ground, everybody. around arena, spotting machines Those machines. Don't fight the fish, everyone! Fight the machines! *''leaps into crowd; montage of the ERGBB pushing through the fish to get to the machines; ERGBB reach the machines'' *'Sandy:' Hurry, guys! We have to disable these machines before the fish rebound! *'SpongeBob:' back at an escaping Brandon Oh no you don't! wall quickly and then leaps; presses suit button, which inflates the suit, gliding him above the fish and in front of Brandon *'Brandon:' Out my way, SpongeBob! remote I have to control my fish army! *'SpongeBob:' Too bad I'm not going to let you. remote out of Brandon's hand; hits Brandon in nose, knocking him to the stage *'Brandon:' up You want to fight dirty, I see. So be it! toward SpongeBob, only for SpongeBob to charge as well *''cuts back to the rest of the team, fighting the machines'' *'Patrick:' numerous buttons Nothing's happening! How do you stop a machine? *'Squidward:' We have to short-circuit it somehow! But how? *'Sandy:' up at lights I think I have an idea. *''cuts back to SpongeBob and Brandon in a stand-still'' *'SpongeBob:' You're pretty good for a governor, Brandon. Too bad you don't know our spy art! leg over Brandon; Brandon grabs SpongeBob's leg and throws him backstage Oof! *'Brandon:' Oh, don't I? comes at SpongeBob; flash cuts back to Sandy, Patrick, and Squidward *'Patrick:' Sandy Lift harder, Sandy. *'Sandy:' Patrick's shoulder Don't you think I'm trying. lifting Squidward *'Squidward:' I'm trying to reach the light, but it's so far away. *'Patrick:' to using Squidward's feet to swing for pole Then use your feet. They're the stretchiest part of your body. *'Squidward:' feet to reach light I got it! I got it! light from ceiling and throws it to machines, short-circuiting them Yes! process creates smoke, encasing the entire arena in smoke; smoke travels backstage *''cuts to backstage'' *'SpongeBob:' Brandon Face it, Brandon! You're too outmanned! Give up now...or do you want some more? begins to encase the backstage area *''completely encases the backstage area; SpongeBob coughs and leaves backstage; smoke clears up'' *'SpongeBob:' Hmm. backstage The smoke cleared up...around and so has Brandon. Just great. *'Sandy:' SpongeBob Seems like that. But that doesn't matter. back with SpongeBob The fish are all back to normal, we're not under any mind control, and the city is safe! *'SpongeBob:' I guess you're right. begins walking out the arena Not bad for a Monday. *''ends'' Category:Sworn to Secrecy Category:Sworn to Secrecy Episodes Category:Sworn to Secrecy Season One Episodes Category:Episodes Category:Pilots Category:Season Premiere Category:2013